What I deeply crave after four months of restless nights of overworking myself to achieve the academic goals that I have set for myself, is two weeks at home re-establishing routines and doing what I love and nurture my soul back to health; reading, movie nights, staying on my cozy bed for long hours, and adding yoga to my daily routine so by the time the two weeks are over I can easily integrate it with my uni routine.
it’s so simple it’s really sad I can’t have that because I have no choice over how I spend my off days, cause the people around me is still holding tight to unconventional beliefs and ideas that are so outdated it’s painful to even consider ppl still think like that.
And what I specificly hate at the moment is that it’s considered selfish to want what I want and like how dare I not put extended relatives’ feelings over my own emotional well being? how can I insist on staying home rather than go on a trip and stay locked in an apartment with 7 people with no place to hide from the constant & forced contact with others? why can’t we talk like the grown adults we are and reach an agreement that pleases both parties why must we emotionally manipulate the other to get what we want..
I hate how unplanned these trips are, they’re so sudden so unwanted by both parties. we go not knowing when we must go and when we will back. I hate it.
I lived this life for so long I’ve come to resent the people around for taking what little control I have away from me and who they believe I have no right to be upset cause they’re doing this for me.
I should feel sorry that the first post for 2020 is depressing but I needed a place to vent and someone to listen.
thank you and I hope whoever reads this a happy and peaceful day.
HELIUM 